Alternatives to Love

Young bachelors and bachelorettes, I have news of the century.  Your search for love and romance ends today! Tired of posting pitiful single ads in the newspaper?  Hitting on those middle-aged women who jog with their dogs in the morning?  A ray of light has struck across the dark canvas of man!  There are now answers to questions that have been left unanswered, and today we will take a look at very viable alternatives to love.

Alternative number one: Love Plus, the Nintendo video game.

You know those mornings.  You wake up and have that zit towering from the tip of your nose.  Your hair is a rugged mess.  You smell of used socks and yesterday's cologne.  You are ready for romance.  You helplessly look around the room, around the house and remember you're 45 and still living in your parents' basement.  No fear, young bachelor!  Simply whip out your handy Nintendo DS and pop in your virtual girlfriend!  Depending on how well you've been treating her, she may ask you to say "I love you" 100 times, to simply hold a conversation about what happened yesterday, or (the best part) to press your beastly puckered lips against the screen and kiss away.  You animal!

While this option may sound mouth-wateringly appealing, the downside is that you have to learn Japanese to give your heart to this virtual sweetheart.  While this may be a rather large obstacle for those who prove not to be Japanimation enthusiasts (I know you're out there!), the pay off is huge.  There is an actual hotel you can go to with cookie cutouts of your girl friends, saucy two-bed apartments and sizzling romantic experiences awaiting for you.  Indeed, there is a world of virtual romance awaiting!  Dive right in!

Alternative number two: "Meet-an-Inmate.com" Dating Website

Now, now.  I know what you're thinking.  "How could I possible date someone who can't take a stroll to the library with me!"  Exactly.  That's the edge in this new-age romance development - the walls that separate (literally) you and your beloved inmate is the best thing since sliced bread.  Imagine this: wanting to see your beloved behind bars as you drive by the jail.  But the visit date isn't scheduled until Tuesday!  Your heart thumps!  Your face palpitates!  You know what they say: absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Not only that, but there is that edgy feel too, you know?  Like when someone holds a knife to your wrist?  That's the action I'm talking about!  Take that passion, those feelings and put them to a better use - a entangled romantic interest with a common shoplifter or a murderer!  Are you looking for young love, let's say from 20-25 years old, or are you seeking for the experienced, about 65 years old?  There definitely some options!  Nothing to sneeze at!

Dearest readers, I know there are many singles in the world and they don't know why.  Sometimes life is a cruel, cruel task master, but these are just a few escapes.  Take the higher route, my friends, don't give up.  We must never quit on the dear cause of romance!