Cowboy up!

Some mornings we wake up with frazzled hair wondering what day of the week it is.  We glance around the room, remember that it's Monday and curse the heaven and skies with a bolstering voice.

Some mornings we wake up ready to take on the world.  We strap on our leather cowboy hats, saddle our stupendous steeds and ride off into the sunrise ready to conquer the world.  Hot dog!  These mornings are indeed rarities, so you better not let them go to waste!

So partner, saddle up!  Grab your Wisconsin revolver and T-bone power whip and off you go with spurs clinking against your kitchen tile floor!  But bad news there, Dirty Dan - you still got some work to do before you can pass as an authentic cowboy and kick through those funny doors at the saloon.  There are some key indicators which show your true inner-cowboy.

One of them is choosing a nickname/pretended middle name.  You know, those cool words in the " marks in between first and last names?  That's what you need.  Trust me - there is instant respect when you introduce yourself as Sam "Spank 'em hard" Smitty to a group of ruffians and out-of-line sheriffs.  Want to spook a bank thief out from starting a shoot out?  Just remember to tell him your name is Tex "The Iron Rake" Anderson.  Bam!  What a jab to his security!  So remember, you need this additional name if you want to make a difference in the cowboy universe.

Another important thing to remember is the use of insults.  This is a big one.  Don't you dare call a thief a "sissy" or "dummy" if other cowboys are in earshot; lest you become the butt of all the jokes in the town.  If you have to, think of some!  Write them down and memorize them!  Keep them on a 3x5 note card just in case you find yourself in a pinch - there's nothing more embarrassing than having all the town watch you about to shoot out with a villain only to say, "Hey, you... chicken face!  Reach for the sky!"  You might as well place that bullet in your own head.  Although it may be a novice move, simply whip out that manila note card - that will sure save you some embarrassment!

Remember above all, that the cowboys are the good guys.  It might be easy to get crusty and have a rotten attitude about life after being shot your first time, but hang in there dude!  If you just hang in there and do your part, you will live to see the day that every little cowbowette dreams of!  Saddling your wonderful steed after a tough fight, hitting on a hot girl and riding off into that magical sunset.