How to survive a Zombie Attack

We all watch those movies.  We all stay wide awake in our beds with a shotgun firmly grasped in our hands waiting for those zombies to come bumbling through the study room window.  Wise move, my good friend!  Who knows when those horrid zombies are going to come!  You must always be prepared: who wants a messy zombie attack while they are caught in the shower or watching their favorite soap?  Nobody - that's who!  We all know it's pretty much inevitable.  With all of these mysterious medical advancements and talk of the last days and things (see the New Years post), we're pretty much caught in a corner.

So when you find yourself sweating bullets, cocking your pistol ready to blast that Nazi zombie to smithereens, what are you going to do next?  How will you survive your next zombie panic?

First, don't panic.  Find some cover.  It's common knowledge to the movie buff or video gamer that zombies usually tear through things to get to their victims.  They usually don't have the common sense or decency to use the door, so they will tear at bricks, plywood, barbed wire, anything!  So find yourself some good cover, preferably something you can patch up really quick with a few pieces of wood or a zombie corpse.

Second, find yourself a weapon that either A) has a lot of ammo or B) that doesn't need ammo like a shovel or ice pick or something.  Point A shouldn't be too hard.  Just be sure to break into your piggy bank the next chance you have and blow that wedding ring money on some zombie repelling artifices!  Simple enough.  Point B isn't too bad either - the next time you run into a cop simply talk with him about doughnuts or something all cops like, grab his club or pick ax, and then run like the dickens!  One step closer to surviving the zombie onslaught!

Third, find a hot chick.  This is a FANTASTIC time for those video gamers to find a hot girlfriend.  We see it all the time on TV.  When people's lives are in danger, they will grab romance and eat it up like free samples at Walmart!  So dear Zombie renegade, dish away those gouda samplers of romance away!  Let those zombies bring you two closer and closer until that special day where you look at your new girlfriend and say, "I do" in the zombie sanctuary, which will probably be located way up north in the mountains (zombies hate wearing sweaters).

So the next time you find yourself wide awake at night with that gun cocked and ready to go, you'll know what to do when those zombies come looking for trouble!