The Hat Critique, Episode One

Oh cripes!  It's a cold, blustery day today.  Fortunately you acquired a collection of novelty and fashion hats!  You sprint to your walk-in closet and hastily pull out a wild assortment of head wear and noggin lids!  Mega awesome! This is your day to your strut your stuff.  But please please do be very careful when selecting which head dress you will don today: some hats are hot and in, and some hats are out, out, out!

The Fedora:

What an eyesore!  Never, ever, EVER wear this awful hat.  I personally loathe it when people think they're super cool wearing these insults for caps.  Yuck!  Want to tell the world you're trying to be a wannabe gangster while maintaining the fashion of hobos and old people?  Then go ahead and grab this sinister head ware and slap it on your head.  Your head will be ashamed.  You will be sure to have slanted eye stares and whispered comments behind your back of despair!  Beware!

The Bowler Hat:

Now this is one hat that gets a bad rap (like my rhymes?).  Remember the bad guy in Meet the Robinsons?  He wore a bowler hat!  That jerk leprechaun that won't share those lucky charms with those orphaned children?  Bowler hat again!  Oh no!  While the media for some reason is out to tarnish the good name of the Bowler Hat, I believe these hats are only for the sleekest, most beautiful, and dare I say the most... fatuous (gasp) of stylish dressers.  Bring it on ladies!  There's more than plenty for all!

This is what the bowler hat screams to the world.

Sombrero:

As the Spanish would say, "Sombreros roca mi mundo!"  This style of hat spices up any occasion!  Whether it  be a business meeting, a funeral or a wedding, you will be sure to bring smiles to the faces of the forlorn.  Look at you!  Legend also has it that the magical Sombrero de fantasías allocates a faster mustache and facial hair growing rate!

So you see dear readers, you simply MUST select the proper hat for the proper occasion, lest you look like a  fool.  Make it a matter of serious meditation, and I promise good sirs, you simply can't go wrong.  The world will be your oyster.