Why Monkeys?

People love to watch them at their zoos.  They love to see them dance in their streets.  Those monkeys are even making their way into Broadway hits and Hollywood motion pictures.  What's the deal with all of these smelly monkeys?  I don't mean to be disrespectful or anything, but this is a fascination I simply do not understand. Monkeys are trouble, trouble, trouble!


Number one: Monkeys are too much like real people.  I know that they may seem curious, but how would you feel if instead of two monkeys throwing rocks at each other it was two short, hairy, nude men?  Not so pleasing anymore, now is it?  The behavior that monkeys exhibit is simply unacceptable!  Yet, we clap and giggle and guffaw when we watch these primates go at it!  We simply can't have this nonsense going on.

Number two: Monkeys steal!  They certainly do.  I know we all have read those reports about those Indian monkeys stealing cell phones and other important items from people's homes and getting away with it.  Arrest those monkeys!  The government is reacting appropriately; choosing to consider harsher law enforcement for our furry foes.  Just because they can't drive a car doesn't mean they can't serve time behind bars.

Number three: Monkeys are nosy!  I don't want one of those hairy mongrels digging through my backpack!  There are very personal items in there.  Not only do they just dig through things as they please, they'll eat your food when you're not looking.  Now see here monkey-friends, that's just uncalled for.

Number four: Monkeys don't belong in space.  NASA needs to leave these animals alone.  They are asking for a ruined space mission whenever they send one of these sorry animals out into space.  They should just sent a dog like our good Commie friends did a few years back.  Everybody loves dogs!

Well good Chronics, please do not egg these monkeys on.  They have simply gotten way too much attention for their misbehavior.