Thursday, March 3, 2011

The 8th Deadly Sin: Cracking Knuckles

KNUCKLE CRACKThere's just a couple of things that I love to do that I hate to watch other people do.  Eating a whole pizza is one of them.  PDA also is another one (even though it's been a good while).  But boy, let me tell you there's nothing more nerve-wracking and ear grinding like the satanic practice of cracking knuckles!  Picture this, friends.  You're sitting down at a summery sandwich bar outside.  You're enjoying the cool breeze brush its fingers through your hair and you bite right into those sensational rye bread kneaded by the hands of culinary gods - and then you hear that miserable sound.  CRACK!  SIZZLE!  POP!  By the sounds of it, you either poured nasty non-sugared cereal into your morning bowl, or that Asian lady three blocks away really went to town on her fingers.  Yuck, yuck, YUCK!  I don't wish this terrible torture on my worst enemies - eating while hearing those horrible fingers cracked.

What can you do to guard yourself against such a sin?

First you must set the example for yourself and close friends.  Only crack knuckles where you would be unashamedly naked: the locker room, your bedroom, and the beach.  NOWHERE else.  This is a direct violation of etiquette, and such slobbish pigs who do so should be hauled off to the gulag!

These fingers could be yours if you
find yourself cracking them around me!
Next you must react ever-so rashly whenever you hear someone else crack their fingers.  Don't stand for that insolence!  Shoot them dirty looks, whisper behind their backs with curse words thrown in.  If you have to, break their hands!  Let's see them crack those dislocated fingers of theirs now!

Please spread the word, and remember this simple acronym: PACFAOET!  People Against Cracking Fingers and Other Evil Things!


  1. sorry, I'm a total knuckle cracker... I'm not stopping any time soon Ethan!

  2. My mom feels the same way about this, and spitting.