Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Selecting your Morning Cereal

cerealSo there you are in the morning digging through your collection of kinds of cereal.  "When in the world did I buy so much cereal?" you mutter to yourself as you push past the Cheerios, the Honey Oats, the Frosted Flakes, Pops, Fruit Loops, various sorts of Quaker oatmeals, Lucky Charms, those cheap plastic Best Western bags of cereal remaining unopened, Raisin Bran, Captain Crunch, Trix, Chex, Rice Krispies, Apple Jacks and finally Frosted Mini Wheats.  As the cereal boxes and bags spill out from our open door, you remember why you never eat cereal.  You have a migraine!  You get dizzy!  You tumble clumsily to the floor to the fetal position, bowl in hand, and with tears in your eyes you shout, "What cereal am I supposed to eat today!?"  Cause, you've only got one shot at this, sugar, and you better make your one choice of cereal bowl the best possible.  This horrible choice with thousands of options must be answered lickedy-split lest the morning evaporate before you and you find yourself at your desk job again with an empty stomach.

Let's weigh out the options:
Sugar Bear
Sugary Cereal
A fine choice fit for Saturday mornings and sugar rushes.  It's hard to go wrong with this guy, at least if you're planning on eating soon.  Sure a bowl of Cocoa Puffs may seem like it's feeling after you slide that grainy stuff down your glorious esophagus - but that stuff dissipates faster than you ate it and your stomach is craving for more just a few hours later.  These are perhaps the cigarette of cereal groups - only to be used for light enjoyment for the time being.  And you better have a backup plan friend, unless you want crippling stomach pains to shove you down to your knees two hours before lunch break.

cereal and berriesHealthy Cereal
Great for health nuts and old people alike.  These cereals tend to pack serious fiber for more cooperation for those private times.  Need to write poetry?  Eat this stuff.  Need to impress your boss while feeling like you could run a marathon all day long?  Eat up, man!  Now, the main downside to this stuff is that it feels like you're stuffing straw into your face soaked with milk - no taste bud pleasures will ensue from the pursuit of our ever-available healthy cereal.

Can"Is this Cereal?" Cereal
I'm talking about those weird cereals that fall into the mystery category.  Popcorn, oatmeal, brown rice, you name it.  These are the rarities you tend not to find in flashy boxes are really up to you how they are received. People eat fruit with them, sugar, syrup, brown sugar - this is the adventure cereal!  If you've got a few spare minutes and you're ready to release the inner-chef, grab some mayo and cheese!  And let the inner chef take hold of your senses as you cultivate the Cereal of 2011.

Wipe those tears from your eyes, scout!  Stand up and straighten out your pants! Use this guide for your benefit, and you will not go amiss.

1 comment:

  1. Best Western? That's definitely a hotel. I believe the brand you were searching for was Western Family :]

    PS- I was never allowed to have sugary cereal when I was a kid :[ My existence was lame. It was a crazy day when I had Honey Nut Cheerios!