Since the dawn of time there have been few things more empowering to a common man's life. Yes, more so than the rifle, tv remote, and the pickup truck. The moustache! This is what binds men together, what makes them what they are. Perhaps some of you men may not actually have a moustache. Fear not! You can simply grow one (or those who are unable, I guess you are just plain out of luck.)
Some of you may doubt: allow me the opportunity for rebuttle. Let's think of some famous figures with moustaches, shall we? Theodore Roosevelt, Albert Einstein, Hulk Hogan, some of the members of the Villiage People and Mr. Monopoly. Proof enough, by anyone's means. But what exactly drives the women bonkers about these articles of facial hair? While a male myself, I do not know the answers. Let me take a few educated guesses as to why they drive the women bonkers:
1. Women cannot grow moustaches themselves
2. It is often a power of wealth or money
3. They often show a high degree of dignity
4. They command attention
5. It's a symbol of high authority (especially back in the days of the black plague)
6. They are hypnotizing
7. Women are incapable of growing moustaches themselves
And the list goes on and on. For those who still aren't conviced, read the news.
Sorry for the short article, but I've got a moustache to grow.