Friday, November 19, 2010

The Wonders of Mapquest

Mapquest: A Golden Compass
of the Ages
So I have come across a life saver the other day. It may have saved me from taking a false detour and thereby making my trip fruitless. What was this device that saved Ethan's day, you may ask? Picture this: you are cruising down a road in a nice green car trying to find your way. Upon needing directions you whip out a handy Mapquest to assist you in your travels. "Turn left at 400 South." Uh-oh. Due to a stressful day, remembering to bring your keys, phone, iPod, friend and other countless items you have LOST TRACK OF YOUR ABILITY TO DISCERN LEFT AND RIGHT!

Stress no more, friend.

The solution lays a few spaces to the right. The line will read more or less exactly like this:

"Turn left at 400 South (turn west)."

I don't know about any of you commoners out there, but I assure you that my life has been saved many many times by Mapquest's considerate and noble efforts to include cardinal directions. With the loss of "left and right discernment" (as dictated by many noteworthy scientists probably, such as Einstein and Castro), with just the help of a simple compass I can turn any direction. Turn west? Simple. Turn 67 degrees north? Child's play. WNW on the next six-way stop? Let's not get carried away. The valiant and heroic efforts of Mapquest should win a Noble Prize, at least in my opinion as well as millions of others.

Why stop there? I am so inspired by this refreshing cause that I will work for these goals:

1. Ensure a compass will be included with every car purchase. I do not mean the electronic compass, we cannot rely on computers forever you know. Why not try the traditional way?

2. Applaud the President of Mapquest by means of a certificate. It will be a landscape certificate with embrodierments for fancy decorative reasons.

Let me end with this: Ethan Busby and I only go by cardinal directions wherever we go. I went to a Wal-Mart to ask for directions. Here is how the conversation carried out, "Good sir, which way may I find the gas station?" "Why, you just carry yourself out those doors and take three lefts, and you are practically there." "Sir, I have have forgone using lefts and rights. Would you describe it to me in the ways of old-fashionry?" "My apologies sir. Take you a turn to the north, another to the east, once more to the south." "Good day." "Good day."

I think that speaks for itself.

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