Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Party Hard

You've had it!  That's enough exams, work, hopscotch practice, and violin lessons to suit you for the rest of your life!  You are more than ready to face this upcoming break with vigor and youthful sprite.  You don't want to spend your three-day weekend just sitting around the house with your halo cut outs and pizza candles pretending to have a party.  No sir!  That just doesn't cut the mustard this time around.  You had an especially hard week: it's time to party hard.  What exactly does party hard mean?  What's the difference between partying and partying hard?  Let me put it straight.  It's the difference between playing bingo at the elderly house and having a Star Wars marathon on the moon.

It takes true effort to party hard.

What does it take?  You have all of the finger foods prepped, you polished your china ware and finally fixed that enormous hole in the roof.  Ready to entertain?  Here is a good list of things to do and things not to do to party hard.

Things to do:

Invite beautiful people.  Let's face it.  When we go to parties, the first thing we scope out for are the beautiful people.  You know - the first chair trumpeter from high school, the quarterback, the kid from that one ska band, and so on.  If they're not there, neither are we.

Import entertainment.  Everybody wants to dance to a live DJ, go jump on those floaty castles, then perhaps peruse over to the petting zoo for a quick fix.  Now that's a party!

Keep the lights on low.  This will hide away those soda spills on the carpet and keep the guests guessing what laundry you forgot to extract from under the sink.  Thought this was used for just romantic things?  There's much more than meets the eye (pun intended).

Things not to do:

Buy things that have "party" written on them.  Those party and fun sized candy bars may look cute and cuddly, but they are far from it.  Mario Party also may seem fun for the first 5 rounds, but you'll be wishing you were dead 16 turns and 4 hours later.

Play smooth jazz.  Beware!  This may seem funny at a party, but in some cultures this is a token of enmity to your guests.  Don't get me wrong, I love jazz and play it at any occassion I get the chance (weddings, bat mitzvahs and that jazz - another pun!) but be considerate.  People want to dance!  Not slam poetry.

Invite the cops.  You will be one unpopular dude having the fuzz inspect every aspect of your party.  This is your time to break loose the chains of the Man!  Not to shackle yourself back up!

Well my dear Chronics, remember for the rest of this dandy holiday season, PARTY HARD!

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