Thursday, January 20, 2011

Cheese Connoisseurs

Hey there gang.

What in the world will our fearless writer Ethan Mackey attack today? Which theme? Well ladies and gents I'm sure you will all be thrilled to read about the new addition to "The Daily Inquirer Series". Let's get a little edgy if you will with today's topic.

Cheese connoisseurs.

Who are these brave men sticking foreign molds, mystery milk processes and fuzzy green things alike in their mouths? Need I remind you, dear reader, I have just boldly declared the theme for today's reading but three lines above? Bingo. Cheese connoisseurs.

Let's think of some of the wonderful risks these men in action are willing to take while cheese consumers like you and I chomp on our cheese sticks - unawares of the great science put forth to produce these wonderful foodstuffs.

Let's look at number one. The vocab. Is this cheese strong? Sharp? Dull? While reading these terms may baffle the common mind, the trained ear and tongue will definitely harmonize with these fantastical descriptions. Ever read a book? I hope you have - remember when you read Curious George? What were the characters like? Flat. Static. They left way too much detail left out for the refined mind to truly understand what was going on in there. Sure it satisfied the toddler's hunger for a good bedtime story, but people! People! If you want some refined reading, try The Grapes of Wrath or some other worthy equal novel classic. Such it is with cheese. Who cares if you Beaufort is white? Or that it tastes kind of like swiss cheese if left under the sun? Good sir, you have a long connoisseur education awaiting you if you find this description satisfactory. Detail, detail, details!

Number two - what in the world are those moldy dots doing on that Roquefort and Stilton! Not for the faint of heart, the common man would not venture into such marshy grounds. Send in the specialist! "Roquefort!" cleverly thinks the connoisseur to himself swiping sweat off his stressed brow, "From the softness of the cheese and the exquisite pigment found in the fungi, this is most likely to be a member of the Bleu Cheese family!" Everyone holds their breath. The connoisseur grasps the cheese, and masticates the dairy product with brilliant form. Cheers abound! Trumpets sound! Men's tears fly to the ground! Yes, my brother, he has done it. We may now know with our indefatigable cheese lingo EXACTLY the wonderful flavors of this cheese without even getting our hands (or mouths) dirty.

So hats off to you, fearless leaders of the cheese community. We have much to thank you for.

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