Monday, January 3, 2011

The New and Exciting World of Ergonomics

Are you boring?  Are you a breath of stale air whenever your step into the party?  Do all your friends glance at you with slanted eyes and whisper among themselves, "He sure is a stick in the sand!"  Do you love to watch paint dry, observe how people sit and use their office supplies?  Well, this sounds like this would be the perfect job for you!  Forget having interesting, different and unpredictable work days not knowing what's coming up next - you will get to teach people how to properly sit in desk chairs, type on computers and not get their fingers caught in drawers.  That's right - your dream job of ERGONOMIC SPECIALIST is now a reality!  What more could you ask for!

You will single-handedly save the business you work at, no doubt!  While those sales teams and admins are pushing their agendas on other people, you are saving people from chronic diseases such as "scoliosis", "bad wrist pains" or "slight headaches"!  How's that for increasing productivity!  Good boring sir, no more being the unpopular invite at the neighborhood barbecues for you.  People will flock to you, knowing what a office hero you are.  This is your shot at infamy.

Here are some actual lines from Ergonomic handbooks:

"Sitting down is an under appreciated skill.  Face the chair, looking at the desired area for sitting.  Grasp the arm rests, turn around and sit yourself carefully into the seat."

"Although sitting for long periods of time in an office chair that is too low can cause a person all kinds of physical aches and pains, many people do not take the time to properly adjust their chairs. Perhaps these people are unaware of how quick and easy it is to raise an office chair to the appropriate height."

"The correct use of office tools is crucial. A person who tries to open a box with a paper cutter stands a real chance of being severely injured. The correct tool would be a box opener, and it’s a very good idea for offices to supply safety razors so, so there is no chance of a blade being left out and someone getting cut."

This fantastic job will earn you anywhere from $60,000-90,000 a year.  Now tell me this isn't the dream job for the boring man.

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