Road Raaaage!

It's everyone's favorite time of day.  You buckle in your seat at 5:05pm ready for the wave of traffic.  You're fully armed with pistol, hockey pucks, tear gas and you're ready to rock and roll!  Hold on baby, cause it's time for some fully unleashed road rage!  Yeehaw!  Never mind that boring day at the office or that your co-worker nemesis tactfully crushed your fingers down the paper shredder again, this is your time to let it all out.  It really is a magical time of day where curse words and intense, temporary hatred are in abundance.  So how do you get the most of your 30 minutes in bumper-to-bumper traffic?

Here are some common mistakes that rookies make:

Two brownie points for the
person who can tell me the
Rookie Mistake being
committed here!

• Be courteous and let the driver some space when driving.  Wrong, wrong, wrong!  I promise that if you ride his bumper, hitting it a couple of times with some car honks, you will have an enraged man pounding at your window demanding you open the window.  Get those brass knuckles ready!
• Communicate.  When that dude comes up pounding his flabby 3-pound fist on your window, don't talk to him.  Don't even make eye contact!  This will definitely elevate your road rage experience to new heights! Also, remember this is like a game of chess where you don't want your opponent knowing your next move.  Don't use blinkers, don't signal, don't wave, don't do anything!
• Forget to bring ammunition.  In the worst cases, you may have the urge to throw something out of your car.  You can use baby seats (without the baby in them hopefully), soda drinks, or Mario's favorite, banana peels and turtle shells.  Yes!
• Keep your hands on the wheel.  No baby, this is the time to let your arms and fingers fly!  There are all sorts of colorful gestures that will be sure to catch the attention of all nearby drivers: the bird, the accusing point, the gun, use your imagination!  Heck, if you know sign language, why not throw in a few swear words!
• Turn the music down.  No way, Jose!  Turn on the loudest sub-thumping rap song you've got and go to town!

This is your hour!  Let your emotions soar as you go out and have a good time!  Happy road-raging!