Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Sinister Salads

What is the most unpleasant thing to have placed in front of you?  Scorpions?  Satan?  No, I would propose a salad!  I mean, who REALLY likes eating these nasty things?  Satan himself spits on salads!  I doubt he's even tasted one! They are bad news, and we would do the world a favor riding it of this terrible foodstuff.

Jagged teeth of the spinach leave are just WAITING to lodge themselves into your gums.  Those carrot spear-shaped shards are poised to wind up wrestling around your esophagus, causing you to choke away.  And the worst part, the seductive sauce sits for the kill.  That salad is packed with evil!  Burn it at the stake!  Stone it!  Take it to your priests to condemn them!  They have no place in an ideal society.  NO place.

A common symptom of zombies:
Overeating salads.  That's one
way to the dark word of the
undead.  I'm sure of it.
Let's think of ten reasons why these salads are evil:
1) They taste gross
2) People douse them in seductive sauces to make them somewhat appealing
3) It's animal food.  We are NOT animals!  Let's have some dignity!
4) Satan loves salads.  Because they cause misery
5) Hitler dressed up as a salad for Halloween
6) They are highly explosive when placed in gasoline
7) They can smother babies
8) It can be viewed as a mean gesture to small children to feed them this for dessert
9) Global warning
10) When you eat salads, you murder plants.

Okay, maybe I was running out of ideas there at the end, but join the cause!  BURN SALADS!  I have had enough of their teasings!  I'm NOT FAT!

1 comment:

  1. I have a feeling your roommate is going to absolutely love this post. But I am going to have to respectfully disagree with you on this one. I love salad! Not as an everyday thing, but something cleansing to eat after a full day of junk food and candy. Salad is actually quite good for you! You should look into the nutritional benefits of eating salad before you condemn it to hell. That it all. :)